THE HEARTACHE ISSUE LAUNCH PARTY ON FRIDAY FEBRUARY 10th IN ATHENS💃🏾🇬🇷 come at @youarebud, take a look at the mag, watch our new short film, have drinks and dance ✔️

“Beauty” is a currency system just like the gold standard, an economy based on politics. Beauty creates this modern physical hierarchy that seems to concern mainly women. Why do we call make-up “BEAUTY”. There is this something about “beauty” that seems to be about the female #FACE. The eyes, the mouth, the skin. Given that we live around a 33 billion dollar diet industry and a 20 dollar billion industry could we refer to such a thing as skin standard of discrimination were we use #BEAUTY products to cover what is -still in 2017- marketed as “imperfections” in order to fit in and progress?#beautyindustry #makeup #skincare

 

  

I wish my life happened only in summer.

The sun is to blame for my sadness. The sun is the biggest trap for the Greek youth. Everything around me is so nice visually, so joyful and shiny and high resolution. But nothing around me has potential. When people talk it’s depressing. Not romantically depressing. When you are in it, it doesn’t feel like a radical, fresh start. It is anxiously depressing.

Most people my age, in their early 20’s, either just finished university and got a scarily useless degree or they are still studying in a public university, unable to finish it because of the strikes and the exam cancellations or they never went to university. And why should they to be honest?

When it’s not summer, it’s not hot and it’s not sunny it feels like you suddenly have to face reality, with no sun covering the depressing scenery around you.

During the summer you make plans and dreams. You will find a job, you will be lucky and you will be able to rent a flat in the centre and leave your parents’ house. You will have this job in the mornings, go out with everyone in the weekends keep some money on the side to travel a bit. Your work and social life will reach a peak. You will go against the odds of the crisis, you can do it. Your winter is going to be great. Your spring even greater, as it follows after such a productive winter. Everything is in order and you are just enjoying life. You are considering any job. You have already realised that a career is just a result of connections and luck, but any job is good. 3 euros per hour is extra good, your friends get paid 2,50…

But you can’t support yourself. You can’t do anything. You can’t even rent the flat at 100 euros per month in the centre, you can’t leave your parents’ house.

You are left in front of your computer screen scrolling on your Facebook feed. Watching these videos on loop in silent. You are watching them again and again and then you put the sound on and you watch them two times more. Dolphins that pass through hoops and videos of hands touching slime and a video with headings about the American elections.

When the sun goes away my anxiety gets so strong I feel breathless. We hang around all together and when the future is mentioned empty words follow. Some deep breaths, a bit of laughing and some mumbling. And that is not ok. Because we have potential and energy. But instead we wake up late and feel guilty and there is nothing to do. Really nothing to do. You can’t understand if you have never experienced how it is to wake up everyday for months and literally have no options or a purpose or anything to do.

There is no future for this generation, no matter how hard you try to be positive and active, no matter how many hours you work. My sister is 35 and she had to have an abortion because she can’t support a child. How awfully much she cried thinking she is inadequate, blaming herself… She has the best job out of her friends and she still can’t pay her rent and have a family. The thought that an uncontrollable outside factor decides your future scares me. It’s so hard to realise that in order to do something you have to leave your country and your friends and your family. It is a lose-lose situation. You just can’t win. If you stay, you will never discover your potential, your personal best. But if you leave you lose things you love, you might be lonely, you will miss out important events, you risk losing your personal state of “happy”.

We have to come to terms with this compromise and this mediocrity and this lack of potential. But then the summer comes, and the sun, and it’s like I forget.And it is so nice and calm and happy. And we just exist in cars and go to the beach and talk about anything but the future and spend no money because it’s too hot to eat.

Maybe everything else gets compared with summer and that is why it looks so low quality.

I watch the lives of other girls online. I can’t stop thinking how whatever happens around me affects me so deeply. It affects me so much it defines my future. It defines my mood, my relationships, how I am spending my winter. It’s funny because within this global online community we live in, we sometimes get carried away and forget the social circumstances around us. And that can be interesting but at other times it is just disheartening and unfair…

How can I change this?

How could I change this? How can I make the most out of this situation? Maybe I should focus on my personal relationships. Maybe that is what this whole thing teaches us. It’s just this lack of options that makes my eyes water. But we should unite and focus our energy in things other than a professional career. Be ok with what is considered average. There are many things out there. Must be. No matter what season we are in.   :’(

Thrilled to announce that “The Heartache Issue” is now available to pre-order on www.girlisagun.com ! 150 pages of personal stories and photos in Athens and London, questioning the way we understand emotion through the capital-centered media (and social media) sphere. Choose the cover you like and you will receive your copy as soon as it is ready for delivery!

There are certain experiences and events that belong to the “this would never happen to you” category. Pregnancy. This would never happen to me. Losing an arm or a leg. This would never happen to me. My boyfriend cheating with my sister. This would never happen to me. Cancer. This would never happen to me. Losing both my parents in one day. This would never happen to me. But it did. I was watching Girls on Putlocker with my best friend. The internet kept lagging and I was like, “why is this happening to me?” My phone rang and it was my sister. I didn’t pick up, I would call her after the episode. She kept calling and I thought she had a stupid fight with her stupid boyfriend again. I picked up, she was crying and she told me our parents had an accident coming back home from our aunt’s house. They went to the hospital and died there before they found their identities and our cell phone numbers; we weren’t at home. I can’t remember my reaction. I was crying and screaming and asking questions and I was sure this was a dream, one of those that when you wake up you’re relieved because it was just a dream. I kept asking, “is this happening is this happening is this really happening?” It was happening. I lost everything. I kept projecting the image of me sitting on the couch with both of them. This image was stuck in my head for hours of crying. I was sitting on the floor crying for more than an hour. My friend’s mum picked me up, put me on the bed gave me a pill to sleep. I don’t have a mum anymore. I don’t have a dad anymore. I lost everything. I will never talk to my dad or to my mum ever again. Ever again. I don’t think there will be a day in the future when I will say those words and not cry. It is impossible to say those words and not cry. The last time I talked to them I hung up in a rush to do something stupid. I want my mum and my dad back and I can’t have them. Now it’s like I don’t have answers or solutions to any of my problems. My sister has the unfair role of dealing with the money stuff, the funeral stuff, the house stuff. Me, I’m just crying. I quit university, I quit life, sometimes I answer the phone calls from my friends but I don’t feel like going out, I just hang out with them inside and sometimes I cry. They are all careful of what to say around me and I hate that, but if they didn’t I would hate them more. I look at other people and I am sure they are and will be happier than me. I find everything completely pointless. Shop windows, or the internet, or people in general. I find everything unsafe. I feel like something will happen to me and I won’t have money to deal with it. I feel like I’m poor and alone and more grown-up than I want to be because I don’t have a grown- up looking after me.  How do you move on after this? How do you look at other people in a nice way? How is it possible to listen to other people and actually listen to them without a big cloud of sadness covering everything? No doctor can give me the answer. No relative, no friend, no movie, no pill. The pain is not mental. I feel physical pain in my stomach. I want people to pity me and give attention to my misery. I want people to treat this as the most important thing in the world and give me answers and be my parents. Chances are I run onto something that will remind me of my parents because everyone has parents, or wears Chanel perfume like my mum.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this because I can’t write a conclusion or give a tip on how to get over something like this. I just have to say that I will demand my misery to be noticed as if I broke both my legs and hands, and if someone feels such pain that makes them numb they should do the same until they feel ok.

Thanks for listening,

A.