I wish my life happened only in summer.
The sun is to blame for my sadness. The sun is the biggest trap for the Greek youth. Everything around me is so nice visually, so joyful and shiny and high resolution. But nothing around me has potential. When people talk it’s depressing. Not romantically depressing. When you are in it, it doesn’t feel like a radical, fresh start. It is anxiously depressing.
Most people my age, in their early 20’s, either just finished university and got a scarily useless degree or they are still studying in a public university, unable to finish it because of the strikes and the exam cancellations or they never went to university. And why should they to be honest?
When it’s not summer, it’s not hot and it’s not sunny it feels like you suddenly have to face reality, with no sun covering the depressing scenery around you.
During the summer you make plans and dreams. You will find a job, you will be lucky and you will be able to rent a flat in the centre and leave your parents’ house. You will have this job in the mornings, go out with everyone in the weekends keep some money on the side to travel a bit. Your work and social life will reach a peak. You will go against the odds of the crisis, you can do it. Your winter is going to be great. Your spring even greater, as it follows after such a productive winter. Everything is in order and you are just enjoying life. You are considering any job. You have already realised that a career is just a result of connections and luck, but any job is good. 3 euros per hour is extra good, your friends get paid 2,50…
But you can’t support yourself. You can’t do anything. You can’t even rent the flat at 100 euros per month in the centre, you can’t leave your parents’ house.
You are left in front of your computer screen scrolling on your Facebook feed. Watching these videos on loop in silent. You are watching them again and again and then you put the sound on and you watch them two times more. Dolphins that pass through hoops and videos of hands touching slime and a video with headings about the American elections.
When the sun goes away my anxiety gets so strong I feel breathless. We hang around all together and when the future is mentioned empty words follow. Some deep breaths, a bit of laughing and some mumbling. And that is not ok. Because we have potential and energy. But instead we wake up late and feel guilty and there is nothing to do. Really nothing to do. You can’t understand if you have never experienced how it is to wake up everyday for months and literally have no options or a purpose or anything to do.
There is no future for this generation, no matter how hard you try to be positive and active, no matter how many hours you work. My sister is 35 and she had to have an abortion because she can’t support a child. How awfully much she cried thinking she is inadequate, blaming herself… She has the best job out of her friends and she still can’t pay her rent and have a family. The thought that an uncontrollable outside factor decides your future scares me. It’s so hard to realise that in order to do something you have to leave your country and your friends and your family. It is a lose-lose situation. You just can’t win. If you stay, you will never discover your potential, your personal best. But if you leave you lose things you love, you might be lonely, you will miss out important events, you risk losing your personal state of “happy”.
We have to come to terms with this compromise and this mediocrity and this lack of potential. But then the summer comes, and the sun, and it’s like I forget.And it is so nice and calm and happy. And we just exist in cars and go to the beach and talk about anything but the future and spend no money because it’s too hot to eat.
Maybe everything else gets compared with summer and that is why it looks so low quality.
I watch the lives of other girls online. I can’t stop thinking how whatever happens around me affects me so deeply. It affects me so much it defines my future. It defines my mood, my relationships, how I am spending my winter. It’s funny because within this global online community we live in, we sometimes get carried away and forget the social circumstances around us. And that can be interesting but at other times it is just disheartening and unfair…
How can I change this?
How could I change this? How can I make the most out of this situation? Maybe I should focus on my personal relationships. Maybe that is what this whole thing teaches us. It’s just this lack of options that makes my eyes water. But we should unite and focus our energy in things other than a professional career. Be ok with what is considered average. There are many things out there. Must be. No matter what season we are in. :’(